Personal Ads. Classified Ads. Online dating. Speed dating. Dating clubs. Matchmaking services. And the list goes on.
With all the new technology available it would seem that we would never be lonely. We can reach out and talk to someone 24 x 7 on our cell phones. We can use our PDA’s and Blackberry’s to send e-mails from anywhere in the world. We can surf the web on our iPhones. |
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So if we’re more connected than ever, why are we lonelier than ever? Why don’t personal ads work? Maybe it’s because we’ve never been given any guidance on how to work the personals? Maybe because we’ve never considered what message we’re sending? Or, maybe we really don’t understand what the personals are for? Most people have unrealistic expectations of how to use the personals or online dating services. The typical online dating process works like this. I see your personal ad online. I think you look nice so I send you an e-mail that I hope you think is funny and then I wait. You receive my e-mail and link to my personal ad, so when you can check me out. Let’s assume you’re interested. You want to respond, but you can’t respond immediately. You don’t want to appear desperate, so you have to wait at least 3 days, and usually longer. Then I get your response and I have to wait as well. If I respond too quickly, then I look too desperate as well. Then we begin our online courtship. It begins very slowly because we’re both afraid of strangers – which we should be. Let’s assume our courtship goes well. We e-mail back and forth. Then instant messenger. Then maybe even text messaging and eventually a phone call. Finally, we agree to meet. We’re both trying hard not to get our hopes up – but late at night, just before we drift off to sleep – we wonder secretly to ourselves if “this may be the one?” Our brain keeps telling us not to get excited, but deep down in my heart – hope springs eternal. Now it’s been anywhere between 6 weeks to 3 months since I first found your personal ad. And we meet. And we both know instantly that there is no love connection. We have a polite cup of coffee and wish each other luck and go our separate ways. Then the internal dialogue begins with, “What was I thinking?” “Online dating never works!” “I hate personal ads!” “I’ll never find the one.” And on and on. We get disappointed and go home to recuperate. It’s not a devastating loss like breaking up – but it’s just annoying enough to keep us from responding to other personal ads for a while. So we’ve invested anywhere from 6 weeks to 6 months of time and emotion into something that was a long-shot at best. We tell our closest friend how personal ads don’t work. Actually, personal ads work fine; we just are using them all wrong. I suggest a new way to working the personal ads. The basic problem is that responding to one personal ad at a time can take forever! And I don’t want to wait that long to find someone! What if a car salesman used the same approach above and spent 3 -6 months courting one potential customer before finding out if they are really interested in buying their car at all? They’d go broke with that approach. But we think that’s just fine for personal ads. Baloney! Hogwash! Bunk! Get your self together and take a different approach. Don’t do the same thing over and over expecting different results. Here’s how my new approach works: Treat personal ads like a business. Treat personal ads as a numbers game. You know the more people you meet through the personals, the more likely you will find someone you like. When you see a personal ad you like you send them an e-mail which explains very plainly that you want to cut right to the chase. You don’t want to wait for weeks or months to see if you are a fit. You want to meet them this weekend. Yes, this Saturday at noon at a very public coffee shop at a very public mall. For only 12 minutes. You won’t even buy each other coffee. I will meet you there exactly at noon and not only will I be there, but I will bring along pictures of 5 or 6 of my single male friends to introduce you to. Therefore, we can meet and see if we’re at all interested in getting to know each other. If not, you can look at my friends profiles. Maybe you and I don’t have a love connection and we see that right away – but maybe you and my friend do. Now you’ve expanded your search outside of the personal ads. Maybe my friend that you’re interested in doesn’t have a personal ad. So now you’re going unto the unadvertised market for a mate. Also, I’d like you to bring 5-6 profiles of your single girlfriends for me to see. This sounds radical and it is. But this is a numbers game. We’ve all heard that most couples meet through friends. This is simply expanding our circle of friends. The meeting goes something like this: “Thanks for coming by, I’m Greg.” We chat for a couple of minutes. Then I say, “These are some of my friends (as I’m showing you their pictures). Here’s Bob who’s a firefighter. Here’s Dave – divorced no kids and runs marathons. This is Joe and he runs his own business and doesn’t have time to meet many single women, Etc. You can take copies of their pictures and e-mail address with you. If you are interested in me, or any of them, you can contact us. Thanks so much for coming by.” (Oh, and by the way, you know that if you were interested in my personal ad, my friends are probably like me as well). No wasted time. No wasted emotional involvement. You don’t even have to make any decisions on the spot. We agree beforehand, that we will simply meet and share information. We both can go home and think about our meeting. Later, we send each other an e-mail saying whether we’d like to get to now each other. If you do this – you have the chance to meet me and 5-6 of my friends in less than 15 minutes. How long would it take for you to meet 5-6 potential mates using the traditional way of responding to personal ads? Then, we take this approach to an even higher level. How? Because I’ve made this same appointment with 3 other women. I meet you at 12. Another at 12:30. Another at 1:00, and finally someone else at 1:30. That means that I can meet 4 new women PLUS 4 of their friends all in less than 2 hours. That’s a total of 20 new contacts! Yes, this is speed dating that you control. That’s 20 new potential dates in one Saturday afternoon. What if you devoted one month of Saturdays to doing this? That could be 100 new eligible dates with minimal effort, cost and emotional involvement. And what are the odds that if you met 100 new women or men, that at least one of them would spark your interest? The odds are very good. My book series goes into much greater detail on how this works. Why it works. It includes the sample e-mail letters you can use. What have you got to lose? How about being lonely? How about using personal ads for what they we’re designed for? Meeting people. Not meeting a person. Meeting people.
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Your friends won’t believe the change in you, your attitude, and how often you’re going out on dates. They will be so jealous of your success. They will wonder what happened to the old you, and how you became so popular overnight.
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